I've probably lost count of the amount of times I'VE cried or having seen my mom cry. But having been in a relationship with me for a year and a month, I was told this morning that today was the second time HE saw mom cry. After having triggered off mom's temper this morning and she ranted at me, I didn't fuss nor rebutt her. I sat quietly trying to numb my emotions and thoughts. It's not a personal attack nor a scolding targeted at me in the first place. She's venting out her frustration kept in since last night. The culprit for her frustration and sadness that caused her to lose control of her emotions and tear was my dad. My dad is, well, basically damn stubborn.

Couple of months ago I might have reacted a little more. I would feel indignant and do not deserve the ranting. I might think my morning just got screwed and continue to feel lousy for the better half of the day. I still thought my morning started badly today but somehow didn't let it affect me too much to bring it to work with me. I know wad her concerns are and I'm just as frustrated about it. It's with regards to my dad's health anyway. Like the saying goes, Precaution is better than Cure.

Till the point where something happened, it might be all too late or too drastic a price to pay. Why stall till such a point? Why not do something to prevent it? Why not practice a healthier lifestyle? Why not just face it and stop being in denial. Old folks don't like people to preach them about how they should eat or drink less or smoke less or something. They don't like you to tell them how it'll affect their health thus should restrict certain unfavourable habits. They might listen, but deep in their mind they are in denial and they'll be back to the no see no look means no problem attitude.

They ignore it and try to neglect the fact it's there. These problems.

I'm frustrated and mom's even more frustrated but what can we do?

Dad is a stubborn old fool. We love him but he is too stubborn and his obstinate behaviour may at times be really troublesome.

It was my own fault to begin with to trigger mom off this morn but dad's the source of her frustration.

More than often what our family members tells us brainwashes us. What we hear about and then confirm with our own observations in the family will form the perceptions towards that person or people in our family. As much as I try to keep an open mind, I do not deny the fact that I'm very much affected. Once you may see that person as a hero. With growing of age, the more you see and the more you'll realize how things crumpled down around you immediately. All you've seen in the past was merely an empty portrayal of someone that's of no account to what the person really is. Some people may be ignorant, some may not be so and they are aware of things and can logically understand how things should be but simply unable to implement it as it contradicts with their character.

What is our character is flawed and it hinders us for the better.

Do we insist with the excuse of "that's just how I am", or do we try to improve and do something about it?

After the morning and the rants, my mind was caught in a whirlpool of thoughts for a good quarter of an hour. Since the presence of my partner is there, my brain beeps the red alarm even more loudly.

"Do not state the obvious! Don't ask me anything! Don't start pointing fingers at me!"

I didn't want to answer anything. I numbed myself from emotions to ignore everything.

I will not allow the monster that creates a sour pinch in my chest to surface.

But thank god my partner was kind, and chose the topic of our conversation to be the source rather than the trigger.

My actions this morning were not deliberate nor were they really overboard. They are, as explained, a trigger. Perhaps it's my excuse for my mistakes and I'm making an attempt to justify for it to lessen the guilt.

And as I reach this point in my thoughts, I cowardly move away from it and set myself to a numb mode and chose to escape from it all.

What a way to start a day.